I have found myself in a situation that I don’t know how to feel. Well, that’s not entirely accurate – I have LOTS of feelings about it, but a lot of conflicting feelings.

Normally, I wouldn’t talk about something like this online, but other than my husband and maybe bff, I don’t think any other friends, family, or co-workers read it. And, unfortunately, this situation does happen and isn’t often talked about.

First, something I don’t talk about often, I was SAd coming up to 12 years ago. It was actually the first of 3 in the same number of years. It was incredibly traumatic, but the investigation was just as, if not more, traumatic than the actual event. I was called a liar to my face and behind my back, and because of that, I have always said that I would believe and support the woman who comes forward in an SA.

However, all of this was challenged yesterday when I learned about a friend’s son who was accused of SAing a girl. Him and his section (he’s at basic training) went out over a weekend, and a few of them broke off and joined a group of girls. He ended up “hooking up” with one of the girls. I guess she then told her friend that he SAd her, she told the guy she hooked up with, and he convinced the rest of the section to beat the shit out of our friends son – while a couple other people filmed the whole thing. He was ganged up on and was beat so bad that he ended up in the hospital with internal bleeding.

First of all, my initial gut reaction was to condemn the ones filming, but “mob mentality” may have gotten them hurt, so, honestly? I can’t really blame them. And the video can be used as evidence identifying those who participated in the beating.

Secondly, it’s one thing to use violence to protect yourself or someone else while it’s happening, but it’s quite another thing to do it after the fact. There’s due process. There’s “innocent until proven guilty”. There’s proper teams that investigate all crimes in the military.

I know this kid. I’ve met him several times, and he’s always been super nice and polite. And I know his parents – they are both military and NOT the type who would put up with misbehavior.

And, now, this 19 year old kid has been isolated from the rest of the garrison. He’s not getting any support from his Chain of Command and left to his own mental gymnastics. If he’s convinced, he’ll be dishonorably discharged from the military and labeled as a s€x offender. If he’s found innocent, it’s possible that the damage is already done – he may want to voluntarily release… if he makes it. I know I considered su!c!de a few times during everything, and for several years after. I can only hope he’s getting help for his mental health. It’s going to take a toll – especially if he’s innocent!

It’s mostly been my husband chatting with our friend, but she mentioned that she was able to get the girls name from her son and easily found her on social media…. and saw she has a boyfriend. She figures that the boyfriend found out about the hook up, she said it was SA, she told the friend for added “believability”, and the friend (unasked) told the guy… and all hell broke loose.

I don’t know what to think or feel. I have a lot of baggage to unload with this. No matter what, we will support our friends.