I actually wrote this 4-5 years ago, and it’s been sitting in my drafts. I don’t know why I never published it, but I think it’s just as relevant now as it was then.

So here it is (with a few minor changes):

So the other week, I made an IG post that read:

So here’s the thing…..

I owe you NOTHING.

If you message me, I’m not obligated to reply. I’m not here for you. I don’t need your validation or approval.

I don’t owe you a damn thing.

Because I am done with men on social media. Why? Because when I’m polite, when I’m friendly, when I do respond to messages, they often result in an unsolicited dick pick or sexually suggestive responses – like a response is an open invitation to harassment.

So I am DONE. You message me, I will ignore you.

“But I genuinely want to start a conversation with you. You shouldn’t lump all men into one category”

So? I AM MARRIED. I’m not here to make friends with random men. I don’t need or want any male friends.

I’m here to hopefully inspire women, to promote self-love and body acceptance. And to keep in contact with friends – actual people I know.

So, no, I don’t owe you a response, even if you compliment me. So unless you’re Ryan Reynolds or The Rock, save yourself the time and move along.”

It was funny how many *men* took offense to it. I blocked a couple people, deleted a couple comments – but one I did actually screenshot to use in the future as I’m certain I’ll get more negativity over time and this online abuse needs to be recorded.

So, the comment I that I took a screenshot of actually caused me to think a bit:

“but ur not the latest/greatest. ur jus another middle aged hump hole granny”

Firstly, I don’t dwell on these things because his “opinion” of me means absolutely nothing and my worth doesn’t fluctuate because some “rando” thinks I’m old or fat or ugly. And here’s the thing;

It doesn’t matter that I’m a “nobody”. People don’t know who the hell I am. I wasn’t born into wealth. I don’t have great amounts of beauty. I haven’t built a media empire and I don’t even have a thousand followers. Yes, I’m middle aged, but guess what? Time doesn’t stop for royalty or people like the Kardashians. Yes, they can buy youth but even that will run out over time. Middle age will (hopefully) come to every single person on the planet and I decided 5 years ago not to fight it but embrace it. Believe it or not, I’m actually looking forward to grey hair!

(I am currently coloring my hair as my hair wasn’t grey/white enough and I didn’t like it, lol!)

None of these things matter. My time and energy are just as important to me as the time and energy of some CEO of a Fortune 500 company is to them! IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MANY FOLLOWERS YOU HAVE!

Interestingly enough, a day or so later there was a post from someone I follow on IG that was almost exactly like mine so I commented on it stating this. A man asked me what men owed me and I actually found it very thought provoking question. I did give it quite a bit of thought – so much so that several people answered for me – the same thing I came up with.

Respect.

My exact response: “This is a very good question and I did try to give it some thought because, when it comes right down to it, just as I don’t owe anything to men, men don’t owe me anything above what they owe all women and respect is the biggest thing that comes to mind. Unfortunately most women have stories of harassment, assault, and abuse which is why they may come across as standoffish and guarded.”

Someone responded to me: “alright then if men owe women respect, then women owe men respect 50/50”

Because I’m non-confrontational, I agreed with this person and I do believe everyone deserves respect however, systemically, women have been disrespected, seen as less than men, abused and harassed WAY longer and more than men. Yes, men get disrespected. Men get harassed. Men get raped. But if you ask women, chances are every single female has had harassment, abuse, felt unsafe, and/or raped at some point in their life.

In a way, this is VERY similar to the BLM vs ALM.

ALL lives can’t matter until black lives matter and this is what a lot of people don’t understand – of course all lives matter! However, black lives are often seen as “less than” as repeatedly demonstrated in 2020. All lives include blacks, Asians, Indigenous, women, children, different-abled, all ages… so until the systemic racism stops, white privilege is no longer an issue, then yes, BLM.

But this isn’t what my post is about.

Men don’t deserve respect until women get respect – especially as men are the perpetrators 95 percent of the time. I didn’t say 100 percent as I have received disrespect and verbal abuse from women in the past.

Do all men deserve to be lumped in with the assholes? Of course not! But it’s no different than lumping all whites in with the racists. Just as the color of the skin benefits or hinders, men have benefited just from what’s between their legs. Sad truth but it is the truth.

So what can you, as a man, do to help? Stand up for women! If you see a woman getting harassed or abused, speak up! Don’t look the other way. Don’t cross the street. If something seems out of place, chances are that you are right! If you act on that hunch, you could be saving that woman a lot of pain. I KNOW there’s a lot of good men out there. I had a man I worked with at a work function ask me if I was alright with the way another guy spoke to me. I don’t remember what specifically was said (this was about 6-7 years ago – 10 to 11 years now) but I do recall telling him to f-off at what was said but we were also friends – we had known each other for about 5 years at that point and we were just joking around. I told the guy who checked in with me that everything was fine but I really appreciated him asking me because I know if I had said I wasn’t okay with it, there would have been an exchange between them.

That is the type of man the world needs. And I’m blessed that my husband is also the type of man who would step in if there was a need – whether it has to do with racism, sexism, or a stranger in need. He is a good man.

What type of man are you? Because there’s only 2 types: part of the problem or part of the solution.