We are coming to the end of our third (full) day here in the Dominican Republic and I had a thought about my recent struggles with my body image…
The problem isn’t my body, but how I think about my body.
I know, that seems like a no-brainer, but here me out… everyone is pretty much so self-absorbed that they really don’t give you two thoughts.
Yes, that might seem a little cynical, but it’s true!
The couple of weeks prior to our trip, I started panicking… not really panicking, but massive amounts of anxiety – and it all seems to center around body image. Yes, I do believe a good portion of it was caused by hormones (thanks, perimenopause!), and it feels like since starting HRT, it has been getting MUCH better!
And when we finally got to the resort (OMG, it’s SO beautiful!!!), there was one thing glaringly obvious. I was nowhere near the biggest person there! My body type definitely seems the most common, but there’s definitely an overabundance of bigger people and a smattering of smaller. Of the smaller people, there’s some who are fit, some who are softer and more curvy, and older ladies whose skin looks like they’ve spent decades worshipping the sun. Women of all body shapes and sizes wear bathing suits of all coverage – most are “full bum,” but there’s still plenty of cheeky and thongs!
To make it clear, I’m not judging anyone, I am simply a people-watcher, and these are observations.
However, today, I almost had a panic attack – even more so than yesterday!
Today, I wore my full thong – not just the high-waisted cheeky thong. A full-on, low-cut, string bikini thong. Hubs was already at the pool (we took turns going and changing as lounges were hard to find and we didn’t want to lose what we found). When I returned, wearing a holey crocheted cover-up, I was virtually hyperventilating, I was so terrified to remove the cover-up. Hubby suggested that I keep it on, but I didn’t. I took it off. And do you know what happened?
Absolutely nothing! No screaming children (which would be impressive on an adults only resort!), a pit to hell didn’t open beneath me, and I didn’t immediately get arrested for indecent exposure.
Did people look? Of course they did! Whether it was good or bad, that’s not my business! For all I know, it could be “if she’s wearing a thong, then I can too!”, or “I wish I had her confidence”, and do you know what I’ve noticed? There’s a few more women (that I even recognize) wearing thongs today than the previous couple of days!
Trust me, no one cares about these things more than you do! Yes, care, but not too much! Don’t let it stop you from living your life! It actually got to the point that by the end of the vacation, I was actually looking forward to wearing it!
I enjoyed it!
And if you’re still worried, I can say with full confidence that someone else will show up that causes even more of a stir!
Within a couple of days of us leaving, a gay couple showed up who was causing a HUGE stir! I noticed them as soon as they arrived. I love gay men – I’ve had several friends over the years, and they always know how to have fun, great fashion sense, and super nice! When they first arrived at the pool, the one was SO flamboyant, it was amazing – the other was definitely more subdued! So bright and cheerful! That evening, up at the bar at the front lobby, he was wearing silver sequin short shorts – which is impressive! Those things chafe! And then on our last day, we passed each other, and I thought he was naked – he was wearing a flesh colored speedo, and it matched so perfectly, it looked like he was naked! Everyone that they passed turned and looked, talking about them… I guarantee I never caused THAT much of a stir!
Yes, it’s good to care. If you care, you’ll work on “bettering” yourself. I care about my body, what it can do, and, yes, how it looks – I’ll continue to work on bettering my body. I’ll work on my strength, endurance, and flexibility.
But I’m NOT going to wait to enjoy my life! It took us 18 years for this holiday, damn straight I’m going to enjoy it!