It’s hard to believe in 3 days, we’ll be in the Dominican Republic!

Am I excited?

Honestly?….  no.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I can’t say exactly what caused this mood, but it’s around my body image and self-love.

I know I am struggling with disappointment with myself. We booked our trip about 6 months, and I had all sorts of plans and expectations. As I’ve mentioned before, I was expecting to lose weight by now. I need to lose weight for my health, and the trip was a carrot, not the reason I was trying to lose weight.

But I haven’t. If anything, I’ve gained weight – I’ve now been off Saxenda for at least 5+ months, and all the weight I lost is back, which is what I was afraid of, but also expected. As well as my pulsatile tinnitus, which really REALLY sucks as I forgot how obnoxious it was. And with that, I’m expecting that my IIH is back – though it is nice to know that it can be resolved by losing a fairly low amount of weight.

But it’s frustrating, as I feel like my body is betraying me. All my joints ache – it’s like I have a new ache every day. My body’s not reacting to diet and exercise like it used to (thank you perimenopause), and I’m terrified what the doctor is going to say at my appointment tomorrow (I started this blog post a week ago). I’m hoping that if she wants to weigh me, I can decline as I believe it’s a follow-up to my knee issues, so why would she need to take my weight?

I do know I want to bring up HRT eventually… maybe tomorrow, as a lot of my issues can be attributed to approaching menopause. I know I’m not in full menopause as I still have a menstrual cycle – albeit VERY unpredictable and sporadic, but it’s better to start HRT before getting to full menopause.

Some of my symptoms that are likely due to perimenopause:

• Hot flashes – I literally sleep with the bedroom window open and it’s regularly -10° and colder
• Interrupted sleep – my sleep meds aren’t helping as well as they used to
• Aches everywhere. I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain/discomfort
• Low libido
• Depression and anxiety for no apparent reasons
• Not feeling rested, brain fog, lack of concentration
• Weight gain and enormous struggles losing weight, particularly in the belly (plus who wants to go work out when you’re already in pain?)
• Overly sensitive and easily annoyed/angered
• Dry/itchy skin
• Dry mouth
• Headaches

Now, some of these issues are “normal” for me, like headaches/migraines, but many of these issues started 2/3 years ago when I suspected that I started in perimenopause, but my doctor at the time completely dismissed my concerns.

When I brought up HRT (complete with tears), her response?

“Oh, yes, absolutely!”

Just like that. I told her I was ready to go into the appointment fighting – which she questioned. When I told her I was dismissed by my previous doctor, it upset her, as I had a female doctor who was post menopausal. And now that I think about it, that was 4 years ago as it was right when covid started, then I ended up switching doctors as she retired. 4 years I could have been without these issues.

But I’m here now. We went through the Perimenopause symptom tracker from the Menopause Foundation of Canada, and discussed HRT.

Thankfully, someone accidentally booked me as an intake, not a follow-up, so we had a full hour to have a thorough conversation about everything. She prescribed an estrogen gel, and progesterone, and we booked a follow-up in a month.

When I picked up the prescription, the pharmacist (female, post menopausal) said, “I hope this is life changing for you”… so my hopes are high!

And how has it been?

Hot flashes have decreased, better concentration, better sleep, less achy, not as emotional, better mental health… so I’m pleased!

My symptoms were so bad, I told the doctor that I wasn’t looking forward to our upcoming trip to the point of not even wanting to go!!! No real holiday in 18 years, and I didn’t want to go. First time EVER at an all inclusive resort, and first time ever for my husband and I going on an exotic trip.

So, that was a week ago…. am I wanting to go now?

Well, I’ve been to the hair salon, I’ve gotten my nails done, both hubby and I got pedicures, and I got my lashes and brows tinted.

But I’m still not super excited. On Monday, hubby found out that someone at work – who was at a luncheon on Friday – who my husband sat across from had tested positive for covid. He went home as he was feeling flu-y and worked from home on the Tuesday. Monday, on my way home from work, I stopped at a pharmacy and got every supplement I could find to help support the immune system and recovery, so we’ve both been mega-dosing!

So, because of that, I am being very cautious with my excitement. I think once we’re on the plane and in the air, I’ll get excited.

But, at the very least….. 2 MORE WORKING DAYS!!!

EDIT:

We are literally on the plane. There was a delay of 1 hour and 40 minutes – but considering the blizzard that came in overnight, that’s not REALLY surprising! When I was walking out to the Uber, snow was up over my ankles – in my linen capris, runners, top, and long sleeve gauzy shirt – no jacket.

We are currently past 75% of the stress.

• 25% weather… we knew the weather was coming and a winter weather advisory was in place. Would our Uber make it?
• 25% airport… getting through security,  etc – would we be forced to check our bags?
• 25% airplane… would the weather delay us or prevent us from going? Yes, we were delayed, probably because they were short ground crew and 5-6 flights were departing at 6am (or supposed to!)

So the last 25% will be arriving in the Dominican Republic, getting through customs, and making it to the resort.

However, vacation mode has engaged, with a – it’s only 0845 am!!!