So, there’s one person at work – not my unit, but someone I have to deal with on a regular basis – and she gets under my skin like you wouldn’t believe.

Let’s call her Karen.

Just the mention of Karen’s name and I can literally feel my blood pressure increase.

As much as it bothers me that she gets under my skin so bad, everyone who has to deal with her pretty much feels the same. When I started there 2 years ago, someone warned me about her. In fact several people did; keep every email, don’t trust her, don’t talk to her about anything other than work, she’ll throw you under the bus at every opportunity, etc.

I try not to let other people’s judgment cloud mine…. but in this, they were accurate. Within the first month I learned not to trust her. And after everything I have had to deal with with her, I have, on multiple occasions, refused to deal with her – all correspondences have to go through my Supervisor.

Unfortunately I can’t escape her entirely and a couple months ago, she pushed me and I pushed back. And won. I stood up for myself and put her in her place – and my Supervisor thinks because of that, she’s afraid of me and frequently excludes me from emails.

Where the boundaries come in doesn’t have to do with her…. directly…. but with my Supervisor.

What ended up happening was yesterday I left work with a migraine. I hadn’t slept well and I knew if I could get home, take my heavy meds and get a few hours sleep, I’d be feeling better. I even took my laptop so I could get some work done once I felt better.

After the day ended (I usually work until 1400-1430), put everything away, and proceeded to relax for the evening.

Around 1630, my Supervisor called….

About Karen….

Initially she was checking in to see how I was feeling – which, technically, she’s not even allowed to do, but I’ve been open about all my health issues – so whatever. Then it came; “just so you know….”

After we got off the phone, I was ticked for 5-10 minutes, but then I was fine.

But then, later that evening, I tried to go to sleep.

And after over an hour of ruminating about it, stewing about it, going over conversations of things yet to happen, I finally isolated what I was feeling: ANGER. As I lay in bed accepting this emotion, I started to cry – I was feeling how I did back in November when I had my breakdown – so I got up to seek out my husband.

I knew there was nothing he could say or do to make things better, but all I really wanted was a hug. Thankfully after that – accepting, namimg, and feeling that anger – I was finally able to get to sleep.

So why was I so mad?

• My Supervisor KNOWS how much Karen bothers me and she chose to disrupt me after hours
• There was absolutely nothing that could be done then and there
• She wanted me to know in order to give me a “heads up” – to prepare me – despite the fact that she is ALWAYS at work before me and could easily have talked to me when I got to work

Today, on our way to work, I warned my husband that I was going to say something about the call to my Supervisor. I told him I would do my best best not to get charged – though I doubt my Supervisor would do that – but a lot would depend on how she was.

I pretty much told her to never do that again. When I leave work – whether I’m working at the office or from home – I leave work and contacting me after hours is inappropriate and unappreciated. ESPECIALLY when it’s about Karen. I told her that I almost didn’t go in today because of how I was feeling last night – and I told her I was feeling how I did around my breakdown.

She apologized. Of course. She “didn’t realize” I’d react like I did to her call about Karen – that shouldn’t matter; unless the office is burning down or someone has died, don’t call!!!!

I’m lucky I have someone at work that I can trust – something I find hard to do – and she took me for a walk so I could vent. She has had to deal with Karen…. and my Supervisor… and can emphasize. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

Boundaries are ABSOLUTELY necessary – whether for family, friends, your work, even your spouse/partner! If they don’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect you.