So after 6 weeks apart – 6 hellish weeks – my husband is home, and we’ve had the week off together. We didn’t do much of anything – other than getting groceries one day and going out for dinner on another day, we really didn’t leave the house. He was beat up – sore physically and exhausted mentally – and I was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hadn’t been sleeping great (better with the medication from the doctor, but still not great), but I had been sleeping worse after he went into the field. As he was running 24 hours, I could receive texts from him any time of the day or night, and I did! I was so concerned about his mental health that every time I woke, I’d look at my phone to see if there was a text – often there was. I rarely replied at the ungodly hours, but it was nice to know he was okay and doing (surprisingly) well… though if he hadn’t text me, I’d worry and be restless the rest of the night.

I was in a lose-lose situation.

I can’t remember hardly anything over the last month that he was away. I know I was busy – I had completely redecorated the main living space, and that took a long time. But I had to wonder… I was at work, right? Because I barely remember whether I was! I know I had some sick days – migraines were super bad – I know I had some medical appointments, I had to leave work early a couple of times… but, really, I don’t remember much of anything. I think I was just in survival mode and just getting by… barely. And not very well.

But hubby is home now, so everything is good, right?

I wish it was that easy.

It reminds me of a scene from the 2014 Godzilla movie between Ford Brody and a senior member:

How long have you been away?

Ford: 6 months

Take it easy, son. It’s one thing they don’t prepare you for.

(I’m certain I got this wrong, but you get the gist)

And that’s one thing about the military – they will uproot your life and plunk you down where they “need” you to go – whether it’s a posting, a deployment, or training. We’ve been lucky that the longest we’ve been apart has been 10 weeks – when I was deployed to Kuwait. However, the one consistent thing I’ve noticed, is that it’s typically worse for the people who get left behind… with the exception of PLQ (this course hubby just came back from) as it was miserable for both of us – both because of our mental health for very different reasons, but created hardships for both.

Typically, for the person who leaves, they’re so busy that they don’t have time to think, process, or feel. For the person who is left behind, they have their job and an empty house. In a lot of ways, being completely uprooted and needing to establish a new routine is much easier than trying to shift and adjust existing routines. When you’re at home and have access to the same things as you had prior to the person leaving, I have found that it’s harder to adjust.

This time around was particularly challenging as my mental health was exceptionally trashed. It usually doesn’t take me that long to recover and get used to a new routine. The weather also didn’t help as we were still dealing with cold, snow, rain, and generally crappy weather. If the weather was nicer, I could have had slow coffees at the experimental gardens like I used to. Or sat outside on the stoop drinking my coffee. Yes, I managed to keep myself busy, but there were other things I would have also liked to have been doing.

But that’s okay. Hubby’s home and everything is back to normal.

Right?

I wish.

Suddenly, there was another person there. My nice, clean living space was littered with his backpacks, barracks boxes, and ruck sack – which is slowly getting cleaner. My once clean kitchen (which took almost the month to get that clean) was once again messy – again, slowly getting cleaner. I had to be respectful about when and where I burped and farted (I’m only human!), and I couldn’t let my clothes stay where they fell – a bad habit, anyhow.

I was just starting to get used to being on my own, and my life, once again, was in an upheaval.

But it’s for the best – of course it is! My husband and I had some great times apart – our somewhat regular date night music jams while reading. It was nice. Really nice. I took the week off with him, and even though we didn’t do anything, it was nice getting used to each others energy again, because, to be honest, I felt empty without him close!