Day 9 of Self Love February

This can be really important to acknowledge, but it can also be hard if you don’t have anyone. On the other hand, it can be a tool if you can objectively look at past relationships and see where you would have liked better communication in what they said.

Or, in some cases, not say, am I right? But we’re talking about your needs and wants.

This may not even be something you need from a lover/partner. For instance, with my husband, he was in a job – and a series of jobs in the same trade – that he really didn’t like. For him, he would have loved to hear “good job” – but all he ever heard from anybody was everything he did wrong, nothing he did right. Even though I’m certain what he did right far outweighed what he did wrong, he only ever heard anything when he did something wrong. That can really cause crippling anxiety and destroy a person’s self-esteem! Luckily, he’s in a much better place and has a very appreciative Supervisor who tells him on a very regular basis that he’s doing a good job.

For me, admittedly, this one stumped me for a bit, and I really had to think about it, but eventually, I got there.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m here for you”

If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, having someone say this to you can make you feel very seen and loved. They likely won’t know what you’re going through – people suffering from depression often withdraw because they don’t want to feel like a burden to those around them. Knowing someone is there for you is really nice.

What do you need to hear?

• Take all the time you need
• I believe you
• I’m sorry
• Let’s do this together
• Can I help?
• Will you let me _______?
• You pick the movie/restaurant
• What do you want to do?
• How can I make this right?
• I need to go to therapy
• Why don’t you take the day off?
• I may not agree, but I respect your opinion
• I may not understand, but I will always love you

Just remember, if what you need to hear has to do with someone else’s behavior, you may not get it. However, this exercise isn’t about actually getting it, but acknowledging what you need and want.